To The Lost City of New Orleans and then Sunny Florida! YES!

No I'm not going to update before then but I do offer this small critique of a growing... I can't say problem but I will say, abnormality.



I read fanfics. A lot of fanfics. And there are only two problems I have with about half of them, they're either lemons (I'll get to that later), or they're in this format

Nelson: Try and get us up and running.

Joshua: Aye sir, what about our UNSC friends?

Nelson: They can handle themselves.

Or it's in the present tense...PRESENT F**KING TENSE!

Who the hell thinks it's easy to follow this? I mean ya, people have to start somewhere but I've seen entire accounts full of them! Now I do hold respect for starting writers, I was there two years ago and look how far I've come with good advice from my colleagues, all past tense like a good writer should use, and I (along with most other experienced writers) have a story easy enough to follow that we don't have to boldy print out who is speaking like a script. Is that what you people are thinking? That your idea will be so freaking awesome that they'll put it into the next episode/movie/game/book/issue?

This being said I do not in any way believe that inexperienced writers shouldn't be putting forth their ideas for the whole community to enjoy, I've actually run across a few good stories in the aformentioned format even if I did want to slice the writer in the neck with the "Tense Knife" of Justice repeatedly or beat them over the head with the Grammar Bat of Perpetual Justice until my knuckles started to bleed. All I'm saying is that to all new writers who actually want people to read their stuff, stick to the past tense and steer away from what I like to call "Script Dialogue".

Last but not least, Lemons....oh god the Lemons...do you people have any idea how many of those I've accidentally run across because the fanfic was rated M for language? I don't mind the actual romantic stuff like the work of Cicilicious because that stuff is actually RELAVENT because most people could guess that tension was building up to that point from about halfway in! The rest of the stuff out there is just a fanboy/girl trying to get the rating of their work up by adding a completely unnecessary and random sex scene but are too shy on the internent to actually write any words directly related to the sexual organs of a human being. STOP WRITING UNECESSARY LEMONS, or at least leave them in the hands of someone capable of making them without it seeming like pictureless porn, seriously, I'm tired of my runs through Fanfiction.net and DA being ruined crappy love scenes that most people only write because they hope it will happen to them...

I guess what I'm trying to really say is, 1: put a better warning in if you have to put in a scene like that to make your story relavent, 2: If you can't type the word penis on the interweb, then you shouldn't be writing a lemon in the first place and last but not least, 3: Stop ruining good fanfics with your fantasies. I don't care what Rule 34 says, I don't want any part in it, needless to say don't want to read about it!


All in all, to new writers, stick with the tried and true format of writing and you'll go far; to all you Lemon Writers who only write Lemons, I don't read that crap so you're off the hook; to all you wannabe Lemon writers who think it's cool to ruin a good story, I'm going to find Yahtzee from Zero Punctuation's hat and use it's powers to punish all of you. You are the reason normal people think fanfics are dark scary places where only perverts roam, and because of that.


I am coming for all of you. One by one. Until none of you are left.




This has been a literary analysis with Wikia, to all reading this, thank you; and to all you new writers, Good luck and have fun letting your imagination reach it's endless bounds!